Fat and Fabulous

2012-05-25

geterdone2013 asked: sorry for your loss Kenny

Thank you

So I have an online account for dating. I’m sure alot of us do. I had a remark in there something like this “If you don’t know what an SSBBW is then you probably don’t like them, look it up..and if you still want to know me, hit me up” Some douchebag sends me and email and says “SSBBW means you need your own zipcode. Honey, do us all a favor and stop eating” - My response? “Honey, do us all a favor and stop breathing..you’re letting the stupid loose.”

2012-02-09

Why I cry.

There was a time in my life, when I would have told you I was like a man when it came to love and relationships. I could “love” someone and walk away without a second thought, if I thought they wronged me. There was a time when I thought I knew what love truly was. Then he walked into my life. Now, this is not to say that I never loved…but what reality was, I was never “in love”.

Brault, as I called him, was the most amazing man I had ever met. Was he David Beckham? No..but in my eyes he was the most handsome man. Was he Einstein? No..but in my eyes he was as smart as they came. He was my Superman. Clark Kent out of bed, Superman in. From the moment we met it was instant fire. The touch of his hand enough to make me quiver. It didn’t matter what we were doing…all night phone calls,dancing, laying in bed watching a movie, riding silently in a car for hours or making love, he always knew how to touch my soul.

He was military. A lifetime member of the USAF. All dressed up in his uniform was enough to make me go all googly eyed. He had to go to South Carolina for a training class and we decided I would go spend almost a week with him. It was the most glorious time of my life. And we didn’t do anything special. It was just being near him. Holding him. Loving him. The day I had to leave..it was the hardest thing as I turned around and watched him walk away. I’m still amazed that I had the wherewithal to board that plane.

Our time together was like magic. His ability to sense my moods, even over the phone was a feat none had ever been able to master. His smile was enough to make all of my worries and fears dissipate. His words love and encouragement were music to my ears. Everyone told me I glowed. People I hadn’t seen in ages commented on my demeanor. I was never happier. And then my world crumbled.

You see, he was married. Unhappily, but married. They had been estranged since earlier that year before we met. His plan was after that class to go back home and see his daughter for a few days before he was to be deployed for a year to Korea. That knowledge, that he was going to go be around her, drove me insane. He knew it and tried to calm my nerves.

He was deployed a few weeks before my birthday, and imagine my surprise when the morning of my birthday there is a knock at the door and a man with the prettiest flowers I had ever seen. Even half a world away he made me so happy. Phone calls, Skype dates, emails…it was a happy time. I wanted him home, but was happy in what we could have, did have.

Then little by little he started to pull away. I couldn’t figure out what was going on. What had I done wrong? What did I say? Then the day came that I finally called him out and he told me that “she” had been calling allot. That she was getting under his skin. She was his first love. The mother of his child. She was able to easily get to him, but His love for me, something he had never felt. The connection we had was so intense that it made him cry when we talked about it. He was torn. He started drinking, to the point of blacking out.

Much like the biblical mother who wouldn’t let her child be cut in half, I couldn’t let him self destruct. So I made the hardest decision of my life. I walked away. I told him I just couldn’t live with myself, watching what he was doing. I loved him so much, that I would have give my life, to save his. I guess figuratively I did.

I don’t date. I don’t have sex. I Facebook stalk them frequently. Every picture of him with a content smile drives the knife deeper into my gut. Now mind you, I said content. He will never be happy with her, the way he was with me. This much I know. One look at the pictures of him since then,almost a year and only 3 or 4 pictures, tells me that he will never love her the way he does me. He will grow old with her. But it should be me. It should have been our time.

He once said to me…”We have the kind of love that the greatest love stories were written about and the sweetest love songs were written for.” But I’m sure that the end of our love story will be less like Cinderella and more like Romeo and Juliet. Ours will never have a happy ending. This much I know. So every once in a while, when you see the tears pouring from my eyes, or a sad look on my face..just know I am thinking of him and that is why I cry.

2012-01-31

love [luhv] noun, verb, loved, lov·ing.
noun
1.
a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person

Example: I can’t help that she is not a he, that we are too different. I love her, with all that I am. She is completely amazing.

— http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/love

2012-01-27

2011-12-19

Christmas Gift

♥He seems so happy and confident; she seems polished and authoratative and talented. Do you know what their lives will really look like this holiday? He may not be allowed to see his children for the holiday, victim of a warped shared custody system. She may be gaining weight not because she’s indulging in Christmas baking but because all she get from the food bank is low-nutrition, high calorie food. No, you don’t know, and they don’t want you to….they want to be allowed the joy of a little Christmas, the comfort of smiling instead of worrying. Don’t fuss over them; don’t make their private pain public; don’t make them your holiday project. Just smile, hand them a candy cane and wish them a happy holiday….and realize how much that gift means to them. ♥

2011-12-15

You know it’s a good story when it starts with “This bitch…”

It will ALWAYS be a good story when it starts out this way. Whether its bashing some hooker that was giving you the stink eye because she’s mad that you’re fat and still prettier then she is…or because your boyfriends ex is trying to get him back. That being said…let me tell you about “This bitch”.

I have recently started dating someone..but for the first time in my life, my someone is a she. She is simply amazing..I am falling very hard. But one of her closest friends freaked out when she found out we were dating. She is pissed because she says that my girl lied to her about being straight. But how can she have lied? Neither of us have ever dated a woman…so for all intents and purposes we are straight right? My theory is that she really wanted my girl and is mad that I am going to get what she wanted.

So, this bitch better watch out because, THIS bitch (Yes, that would be me) doesn’t fight fair.

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SSBBW Magazine...my new daily read.

2011-12-01

I Need a Fat Girl

2011-11-29

Fat Is Not a Fairy Tale by Jane Yolen

I am thinking of a fairy tale,
Cinder Elephant,
Sleeping Tubby,
Snow Weight,
where the princess is not
anorexic, wasp-waisted,
flinging herself down the stairs.

I am thinking of a fairy tale,
Hansel and Great,
Repoundsel,
Bounty and the Beast,
where the beauty
has a pillowed breast,
and fingers plump as sausage.

I am thinking of a fairy tale
that is not yet written,
for a teller not yet born,
for a listener not yet conceived,
for a world not yet won,
where everything round is good:
the sun, wheels, cookies, and the princess.

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That’s where I will always love you…

Source: ilickoldpeople

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tdevil asked: You're beautiful. Just thought I'd let you know.

Well thank you :) You’re pretty cute yourself.

2011-11-01

You said…

We had the kind of love that the greatest love stories were written about and the sweetest love songs were sang about. But what happened to our love story? Why can’t I sing our love song? You stopped talking to me, so I will never know…but I do know I will never love like that again.

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I’d Choose Me

dearoldlove:

She’s the girl you have to tip-toe around so she doesn’t get mad. I’m the girl that had sex with you on the night we met and who still laughs at your dubious jokes. I don’t know about you, but I’d choose me any day.

She’s the one who said, it didn’t matter where the military sent you, she wasn’t leaving VA….I’m the one who said I would follow you to the end of the earth…but you choose her….I’d choose me…just sayin’.

Source: dearoldlove

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